My Gender Identity, Part 6: Men Who Menstruate

If you’ve spent any time at all researching FTM transition, you probably came across the dysphoria struggles some men feel when that time of the month rolls around. It didn’t seem like this was going to be a thing that really affected me at first. It hadn’t bothered me all my life, aside from an achy back, sore breasts, and cramps. But just as my top dysphoria didn’t become pronounced until I started wearing a binder, my “menstrual” dysphoria didn’t bother me until later into my social transition.

This is the second time since the start of June (when I started my journey) that my menstrual cycle has caused a wave of doubt and gender struggle to crash over me. Biology warring against identity, making me rethink my entire transition every month.

The barrage of questions and doubts sounds a little like this:

Am I making the right choice? I was happy enough before, wasn’t I? Why should I mess with it? Hormones and surgeries are a lot of money and it’s going to be a long path. Maybe I should go back to presenting female. Can I even do that? Will I be able to be happy as a female, now that I know? *Thinks of wearing a bra and dress and being called a woman from now until death.* Nooooope. Nope. Don’t think that’s an option anymore. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fu— Wait. Genderfluid? Non-binary? That’s a thing. *Considers presenting female sometimes. Nervousness.* I guess I won’t know until I try women’s clothes again. *Thinks about going out in public with female clothes. Cringe.* But if I was genderfluid/NB, I could be happy when people call me “ma’am” sometimes. I wouldn’t feel as if I needed hormones to pass as a male, either. And I do like my curves, don’t I? Sometimes. Sometimes, I do. It would be so much easier if I was genderfluid, wouldn’t it? But is that the right identity? Is that really how I feel? *Thinks of wearing a bra in public again.* Well, I won’t know for sure until… No. I’ve been happy presenting as male this whole time! Why am I doubting this now? I—

…repeat until insane.

Also, throw in some random thoughts about my sexuality and how that plays into my gender identity. Because, as I’ve said before, the two aren’t always mutually exclusive. If you’ve been following my gender identity journey posts, then you know a large part of my gender questioning stems from my unsatisfying sex life. I’ve given a lot of thought to my sexuality long before June, too. Bisexual? Gay? Pansexual? Demisexual? Asexual? In short, I have no idea who I am.

I’ll end it here with a song I made up that makes me happy sometimes when I start getting too serious.

*ahem*

Twinkle, twinkle little trans.

How I wonder what I am?

Should my tits fall off and die?

Am I gay or am I bi?

Twinkle, twinkle little trans.

How I wonder what I am.


Buy the first book in my REM World Trilogy.

Writing’s the one thing in life I’ve never questioned, thankfully. 🤣

 

Loading spinner

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: