You Are Responsible For You (A Rant)

Hello, Internet!

I’m writing this while I’m a bit peeved, just so you have an idea of what to expect. This isn’t going to be a lighthearted and fun blog post. This is gonna be some tea.

My mom used to be so afraid that her children were embarrassed of her. It was a constant insecurity of hers and I realize it came from her belief that people would judge her based on her children’s actions. Today, with my mom living hundreds of miles away from me, I’ve found it isn’t exclusive to her. Lots of people are worried about what other people think of them. They’re concerned that the actions of their friends or their family will somehow reflect poorly on them by association.

I don’t understand this. It makes absolutely no sense to me why someone would look at what someone’s friend does and go, “Oh, I bet their friends are like that, too.” Birds of a feather flock together sometimes, sure, but we’re all individuals. We’re all different people with different beliefs, attitudes, and tastes.

If I dance like a stripper, pepper a crowd of stranger’s cheeks with kisses, and bring up politics while in mixed company (gasp!), that doesn’t mean my friend behaves the same way. My friend might be reserved, modest, and wayyyy more chill. You can’t judge them based on who I am. I’m friends with all sorts of people from different walks of life. I hang with quiet people, loud people, sober people, druggies, professional folks, couch surfers, and more. Good luck trying to fit me in any one of those boxes. I’m my own person and I cannot be judged by the company I keep.

I mean, you could try to clock me as one thing or another, but you’d be very wrong.

What I do is on me. How I behave is on me. Who I am is on me. And as long as I’m not hurting anyone, I’m going to continue being myself.

I haven’t always been this way. I’ve spent time worried to death that my actions might somehow cause my friends/family/etcetera some amount of embarrassment or discomfort in a public setting. This led me to watering myself down and being vigilant of my actions and behavior when engaging with others. I became a less authentic version of myself when I was holding myself back, hiding who I was, for the comfort of others. I was uptight and uncomfortable in my own skin every time.

I’m not doing that anymore. It’s extremely stressful and I don’t like it. I will live my life as myself, full steam ahead and damn the torpedoes. If certain people don’t like me because of the person I am, then there’s ten other people who will think I’m just the best thing since sliced bread. People who talk behind my back, too chicken shit to say how they feel to my face, will never be my friend.

I don’t want friends like that. If you don’t like me, keep my name out of your mouth and stay away from me. I don’t do half-assed friendships. People who pretend we’re cool to “keep the peace” aren’t actually being adults when they turn around and bitch to the next person about our most recent interaction. It’s one of the most ignorant and childish things a person can do. You aren’t being mature. You aren’t “being the bigger person”. You’re being a coward. If you don’t like me, cut the high school bullshit and say so. ‘Cause when I know, I won’t hang with you ever again. See? It’s that easy.

But that’s not what these people want anyway. Their lives are so boring, they want the drama. They have no imagination, no hobbies, nothing to occupy their dull and monotone life other than stirring the pot by gossiping about other people. These are the saddest types of people I’ve ever met.

And that’s where I’m going to leave this rant. I know I don’t typically write these kinds of blog posts, but I’m pretty well steamed at the moment. Also, buy my book here: Purchase REM World: Lucid

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